Thank you for taking the time to share your story Karen - I hope those who read it see the incredible truth you have written about. You are the first person I have come across who has had such a similar journey to myself and view 'life, the universe and everything' in such a similar way to me.
Bravo! My prayer is that all of you out there who feel imprisoned by unneeded excess weight find the path to complete self-love and self-acceptance - your body will reward you by reflecting how you feel. Do not have the attitude of 'when I am thin, then I will be good enough to love' - you will stay stuck right where you are. You are like you are coz that's how you feel about yourself - recognise that and you're half way to revelaing your best self. Observing yourself is exactly the way to go about it - journalling is a perect way to do this. Pick up your patterns of thought and behaviour - and start the shifts there. The rest really does just follow. Good luck!
