Mom seeks advice

by Mimi
(Durban)

Children eating healthy

Dear Cari

My 9 year old daughter was told by her friend that she is fat. Despite being an active child she is a little chubby. However, the seed has been planted and she refers to this comment regularly. I would hate for this to erode her self confidence and to create self image issues. I myself still carry with me issues relating to weight, and have never quite forgotten comments made in my youth. This definately created baggage for me, which I still carry. I try not to highlight weight issues with my daughters, but find it hard to know how to approach the subject without including my own experiences. Please advise me how to deal with this.

I was very excited to see you have another book out and am desperate to purchase it, is it also available in stores.

Many thanks
Mimi

Hi Mimi... this is one of the toughest issues parents face and I do cover it extensively in Mom, Pass the Broccoli: How to empower your child with healthy eating habits for life (which is available at any of the bigger bookstores in South Africa and at Kalahari.net). Please tell me if you can't find it.

It always saddens me that we live in a world where we've even taught children to pass judgement. The sad thing too is that it only takes a few words to become an oft repeated refrain to become a storyline which colors their lives for many years.

Your daughter is lucky to have a mom seeking advice and also already having recognied that this is NOT something you want your child to start living her life by. Here's one thing I'd also remember & possibly try to find a way to discuss with her.

I know you may not want to hear this but she's 9 and nowadays that is often the age that girls bodies are starting with puberty. This is often accompanied by a 'puppy fat spurt' even though she might be active. If this is the case, help her understand that this is just a natural thing that happens and that that will change.

Also, be sure that she doesn't start dieting - you may like to read more about the dangers of dieting yourself.

It's also a time when I'd start pointing out to her that the bodies we see in the media and even dolls toys really realistic. Watch the video on this page together and chat with her about it.

This is a really good time to continue to build on her self-esteem as well - and here are some great esteem-building exercises (look at the last few exercises) which you can adapt and use with a child. Help her take these as a coat of armour with her to school and other places where she might be exposed to judgement.

Mom pass the Broccoli which give you plenty of other great ideas too.

Hope some of this helps.
Love Cari