Is a Distored Body Image
driving your crazy and preventing you
from Living light?
Body dysmorphia is just a fancy term for having a disorted body image. In other words, you see one image when you look in the mirror, people around you see another. Body image problems prevent you from 'living light'. When I talk about living light, I won't be at all surprised to know that many of you automatically assume that I'm talking about being thin or the so-called optimal body weight. You can't be blamed for thinking that with all the advertising messges put out by the weight loss industry. And before I knew what I know now, I could have jumped to the same conclusion. In my eyes, thin and living joyfully were joined at the hip!
But being thin doesn't automatically mean you'll live light. And living in a heavy body doesn't mean you're doomed to living heavy.Living light is a mental place - it's not necessarily dependent on a particular body size or shape. It's heavy distorted body image thoughts that prevent us from joy-filled living. 'Thin' and 'happy’ don’t necessarily belong in the same sentence. (No they don't - that's just a myth as anyone with a body image disorder can tell you). If that was the case, I'd have been at my happiest when I was anorexic. And I wasn't - it was a miserable existence because I had body dysmorphia. My head was still jam-packed with heavy thoughts, and the image I saw in the mirror still lied to me. Or I would have been at my happiest when I was at my goal weight - but I wasn't. I was still so food- and body-obsessed. It was like living in a jail where the bars were self-made ones, constructed of my distorted body image thoughts. It didn't feel like a good place to be at all because I still had a low self-esteem.
Heavy thoughts on being thin
Merely losing weight doesn’t automatically change the neurological wiring that governs your beliefs and habits, nor does it mean the Fairy Godmother waves her magic wand so that all your issues miraculously disappear. Body dysmophia can still reign supreme because unless you've had a mind makeover, you can still have a distorted body image.
Your heavy body image disorder thoughts are what keep you from have a joy-filled existence. It's those that have to change.And if you think that you're single because you aren't thin - well think again. You're more likely to be single because you aren't joy-filled than because of your body shape or size. And frankly, I haven't come across any diets that offer a money-back-guarantee if once you've lost weight Prince Charming doesn't swoop down from his palace on the hill, in his Lamborgini to sweep you into his forever loving arms. In fact, reaching Thinland comes with other heavy thoughts we might never have dreamed of. For example, I've worked with many survivors of sexual abuse for whom being thin can be downright scary because it thrusts them into situations they'd never anticipated... like sexual advances. Other people are amazed to find that their larger body gave them an excuse not to participate in certain parts of life. Being thin can take away that 'protection'. Wanting thinness, and having it, can be two totally different things. Many Dietonians assume that once they finally reach Thinland, they’ll finally be able to relax, ditch diets and start living light. But more often than not, because their focus has been ‘thin’ instead of growing their 'love of self' being thin hasn't changed their underlying heavy thoughts, which govern their attitudes and habits and whether they have a distorted body image or not.
My thin was my heavy
I know that even when I was thin, I still thought food was my enemy, I was still restricting and depriving myself and having to monitor my eating. My hypervigilence about food and weight were all still there. My heavy thoughts were a burdensome weight to carry.I'm no longer anorexic now - but my body dysmophia has changed and it's because of the MIND changes that I now live light. Being joy-filled happened when I really 'got' that I was Under construction. This is what one client told me: "What I’m not realising that I am actually a piece of art in the making. There are days where I feel like a Salvador Dali and days where I see myself as a Monet. But yet, I expect to see myself as a Monet everyday. Not realising in seeing myself as a Dali, is already such a huge step, as I was always seeing myself as a crude wax crayon drawing. Baby steps! Every single day!” It's these kinds of shifts that bring living light to the fore. The beauty of this is that you can live light before your body even gets lighter. You can shed that distorted body image that causes you such angst. The figures on the scale may look great, but when you're not living light your mind is still triggering unhealthy-for-your-health-neuropeptides because of your stressful relationship with food and your heavy thoughts about your body. Being thin didn't automatically mean my life suddenly had purpose or meaning. Um....unless you call obsessing about staying thin and not regaining what I'd just lost as 'purpose' or 'meaning' - which I don't. When I'd only changed my body, my relationship with life in general hadn't changed in any permanent way. Sure I had the temporary pleasure from the exterior chance of a smaller body (that made me feel as if I was living light for a short while), but my lasting happiness has had to be built from an internal source. Being thin doesn’t mean your relationships become more functional and that you suddenly have this fabulous social life you’ve always dreamed of. Being thin doesn’t mean you’ll drop your heavy thoughts and start liking your body, or that you’ll make peace with all parts of yourself. Even when I was thin, I hated my stomach and breasts. I didn't feel any better proportioned than before. Nor did I stop comparing myself unfavourably. So living light was still eluding me. Being thin doesn’t mean your relationship with a significant other will improve.I once said to my husband: "You hated me when I was fat." He replied: "No, you hated you when you were fat and you've hated yourself when you've been thin too. It wasn't ever your body size that was the problem. It was your thinking!" He was right - don't you hate it when husbands are so right? Ditching diets and living light is a gradual process in which the mind has to take the lead by shedding it's heavy thoughts before the body can follow. For while the body can change relatively quickly, our deeply ingrained habits and attitudes take a lot longer. Living light isn't necessarily about having a particular body size or shape at all. You can be overweight and be closer to living light than someone who is clothes-hanger-thin. Here's why... the difference between whether we're living light or heavy can only be measured by our attitudes, habits, and in how comfortable, alive and vibrant we feel living in our body. The Mind over Fatter program is all about getting rid of your distorted body thoughts.
Light thoughts on being fat
In 1990, a friend tricked me into going to a nudist retreat. With my very active and harsh body critic believe me I would never have gone on my own - ever! But the miracle was that it turned out to be a life-changing event.
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